Just cropdusted the office
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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