Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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