My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got inside last night via doggy door
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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