I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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