Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
