Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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