I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
