I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
