he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
