we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
