So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
