Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
