I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
