Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
