DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
