why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
