so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
