You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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