You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
