then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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