Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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