Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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