She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
