just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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