Already got asked if we're dating
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
