I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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