My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
