That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
