Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
