I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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