Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm always down for nudity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
