I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
