roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How external is "for external use only"?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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