hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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