just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize