Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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