I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
