guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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