no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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