Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
