We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
