Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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