in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
