As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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