i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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