My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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