so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
