I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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