My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
