OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
