I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
