There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
