I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
