he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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