Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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