im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
