Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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