All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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