yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We have started to decorate penises.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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