rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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