I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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