He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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