We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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