id be glad to
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
