So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
