I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
