I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
