it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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