yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
