if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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